Where Are You?

Yom Kippur is coming. Tuesday at night fall.

Most of my life, that was not meaningful to me. This year it is.

Recently I have been listening to the teachings of Rabbi Schneur Zalman via Esther Shemtov, a teacher at Mayanot Jewish Institute, and I am honestly blown away by what I’ve just learned. I will do my best to pass on my understanding:  “The King is in the field.”

Esther asked, ‘what if, with all the work we do to “greet the King”, we find that connection with Hashem still far away’?

The answer is… another question!   
(Of course! This is Judaism.)

The simple question she asked is:

Where Was The Connection to HASHEM FIRST Lost?

Where was that connection FIRST lost???!!!

She added, if we lose our wallet in New York, we don’t go to San Francisco to find it. 

We need to go back to the place where we FIRST lost it, the source of the problem.

and… (this next part is still fuzzy to me ) we look for mercy for ourselves. 

Somewhere in the past,

I lost touch with this essential connection… the connection with truth, love, and the power beyond my understanding. 

I know exactly when. For me, like for many, it happened during a difficult time. It was a time connected with experiencing cruelty.

Though I have, thank G-d, much connection and love of Hashem, there has been this little area that has stayed separate. Held it’s ground of hardness.

The hardness is…

I couldn’t quite shake my resentment towards the cruelty of the past. 

Considering this simple question, where did my connection to G-d first get lost, something morphed, in the best way.

The Light Came On 🙂

Instead of trying to: NOT resent, to forgive, to love my fellow as I love myself,  etc., I looked inside of me. I saw that it’s not about what others do. What matters is what I do.

I experienced this event through a different lens… not the lens of me, but the lens of my connection with Hashem,

I now see what I DID.

After a difficult experience, I lost much trust in the goodness of the world. I lost connection with that part inside my soul of truth, love and G-d’s power.

Thank G-d!!! It is so freeing to see!

Finding this point of loss, refocusing the lens, the scene shifts. Resentment fades out and new possibilities fade in.

Where Are You?

 More Rosh Hashanahs, Yom Kippurs, and opportunities for growth will come. For right now, I am very very  grateful.

I see Hashem right here, inside of me, inside of us all.  

גמר חתימה טובה G’mar chatima tova, may you be sealed for a good and sweet year.

Love Vivi  רָחֵל

Photo from Canva.com