PARENTS PASSING: And the new family

Kindness: I am not going to put forth a canonized mom, i.e. a gentle soul who never had a bad word to say about anybody. My mom called it as she saw it. And she didn’t always like what she saw. That being said, she had a huge heart. She felt for the suffering of others and taught her children to look out for those who had less and to put in the effort to make others happy. She was a kind soul and taught us to be the same.

Our family: my mom, dad, sister, brother and I, were not always the picture of a happy-go-lucky, harmonious family. We’ve had our share of knock down drag out fights and there’s even been the risk at times of severed relationships; someone cutting off ties for good.

After our father died (mom had passed away earlier), I was worried at points of an irredeemable exchange and of our family blowing apart. It seems it is not uncommon for families to experience this after the loss of parents. Lifetime roles are upended and a gaping hole appears. Perhaps it is grief expressing itself sideways.

Yet, we didn’t blow apart. Despite long held family hurts that re-surfaced, my sister, brother and I bungled our way through to loving and supporting each other. Mark (my ex) put it this way, “You three, no matter how much you fight, yell or shout, you have each other’s backs – despite all the craziness, you love each other, no matter what.

I was still married at this time. Both my (ex) husband and my brother’s wife were fantastic: calming and loving presences. We were blessed to have their wise and soothing counsel (and they ran some good interference between us!).

Most importantly, our mom had taught us loyalty and kindness all those years. At the end of the day, we stood and stand with each other. ©

Love, Vivi Emoji

p.s. What is something you cherish that you learned from your family? I’d love to hear! Please feel free to comment below.💖


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9 thoughts on “PARENTS PASSING: And the new family

  1. Lori Noffsinger says:

    Love this blog!!! I enjoyed Learning more about your family. My older sister recently said she worries that when my mom passes away that my two sisters and I may go our separate ways as we are each so very different. Right now my mom does seem to be the glue holding us together but I pray that blood is thicker and that our relationship will withstand my mothers passing, should that happen before any of us pass away. I don’t like to think about it.

    • Vivi says:

      Thank you Lori for sharing a little of your story. I appreciate and can relate to your comments. With your willingness and prayers to keep a strong bond, you are in great hands. ❤️

  2. Susan Bodley says:

    I’m so happy you wrote about not canonizing your mother. I find it so difficult when people do that to those who’ve died. And I think it happens often. People are complicated — that’s what makes us human and interesting. If you deny a person’s warts I think it lessens their beauty.
    I also can relate to your worry about how to continue to be a family once the parenting generation is gone. I’ve been lucky in maintaining good relationships with both my siblings but I remember it took us a little while to figure out just how we were going to be after our parents died.
    I’m enjoying your posts. Thanks for sharing.

    • Vivi says:

      Susan, Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I love what you said, “People are complicated — that’s what makes us human and interesting. If you deny a person’s warts I think it lessens their beauty.”

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