Jewish and What in the World did I just do!?

So what can I say?

I am happy I am Jewish. Am I delirious that I am Jewish? Well, yes and no.

As you know, I’ve gone from hating being Jewish, to loving being Jewish, to most recently making my house kosher, and even more recently, observing Shabbat. As Walter references in “The Big Lebowski“, and I quote: “I’m Shomer Shabbos. Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means I don’t work, I don’t drive a car, I don’t F******   ride in a car, I don’t handle money, I don’t turn on the oven, and I sure as S*** DON’T F****** ROLL!! SHOMER SHABBOS!! SHOMER F****** SHABBOS!”

For those who haven’t seen “The Big Lebowski”, roll means to bowl.

Walter is accurate. I’ll add that I light candles, say blessings, share wonderful time with friends and family, and lot’s more really really good stuff.

But…

I don’t drive, I don’t spend money, I don’t turn on and off lights,

And…

I am having cold feet.

Twenty years into learning about Judaism, I was still hanging around the edges. Learning? Yes. Observing Jewish laws ? Too exotic and constraining.  I admired other people’s Jewish observances but I was ensconced in the big world I knew and it did not include stepping out of action for one day EVERY WEEK!

Yet, I did it. About three months ago I began observing Shabbos like Walter in “The Big Lebowski”. 

It’s truly been so sweet, brings calm, lights me up. I could go on…

And now that the absolute newness is wearing off, I am like, WHAT IN THE WORLD DID I JUST DO?! I see my wonderful friends who are not Shomer Shabbos, some Jewish, some not Jewish, living normal lives where they don’t rest on Shabbat, and they look at me a little bewildered when I say… “I can’t carry things on Shabbos” and “I can meet Saturday night, but not until after sundown.”

With each desirable invitation on Shabbat, I question myself anew. 

Am I even doing the right thing… is this truly for me??

BUYER’S REMORSE… 

And yet…

Naaah.

I’m in. 
I am in love with this new way of life. 
It’s indescribable in the best way. 
Even though it is SO unnatural to how I lived my life up until now, it just feels natural, solid, satisfying,
a huge Exhale AND Inhale. 
Out of step with mainstream activities, and yet in step with something precious..

Beyond reason lives trust, faith, belief, G-d, Hashem. The comfort in my skin I’ve so sought shows up gently with no fanfare. A quiet dignity places boundaries around time. A simple joy says “yes” to the Fourth Commandment.

“Remember the Sabbath Day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath unto the Lord your G‑d. On it you shall not do any manner of work — you, your son, your daughter, your man-servant, your maid-servant, your cattle, and your stranger that is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea and all that in them is, and rested on the seventh day; wherefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath Day, and hallowed it.” 

Shabbat Shalom dear friends…

Love, Vivi  🥰  ©

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*Chabad.org The Fourth Commandment, *YouTube: Shomer Shabbos: clean version (from “The Big Lebowski“),  *The Balance: How to Deal with Cold Feet and Buyer’s Remorse

Cover man flying Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash, Bowling ball Photo by Dalton Smith on Unsplash,  Shoes Photo by Benjamin Faust on Unsplash, Ant Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay, Girl running Photo by by Yuliya Harbachova from Pixabay